Rachel's Paideia Blog

Paideia Final Reflection

Writing this in general is bittersweet. In some ways I’m very excited to be moving forward with my life, going upward and onward to bigger and better things…but at the same time it’s very sad. I’m graduating from college and I’m terrified. I’m certainly grateful for the experience the Paideia program has afforded me with and I feel that I’ve gotten a great deal out of it.
I applied for the program for a few reasons: to stand out amongst other students, to force myself to study abroad, and to potentially get to live in an on-campus apartment my sophomore year. I achieved all of these things. However, the program has meant much more than that to me. In general, I’m glad I got to know one particular group of people as well as I did. I didn’t make all that many new friends in college, and the ones I did make have interests very similar to mine. Our cohort was a wonderful mixture of different students from different backgrounds and various fields of study. Each student picked readings and lead discussions every semester, so I was really able to get an interesting perspective on a multitude of studies. For example, I’ve had never taken a philosophy course at Southwestern until one of my cohort members shared an article with the group that I was so fascinated by that I took a class called “Existence and Reality,” which ended up being my favorite class I’ve ever taken. The variety of students in our cohort made for a unique and interesting experience.
Each aspect of the program seemed to open up a new chamber of my brain. The first year we focused primarily of civic engagement. In the past I had volunteered for the animal shelter on occasion, but I never felt as if I had made an impact of any sort. Being a part of the program enabled us to get in contact with the Boys and Girls Club of Georgetown and to even create our on program to share with the children there. It was very unique, and certainly not something I would have been able to do on my own. Aside from just making me feel good for doing good, it really showed me how difficult it is to organize a group of people and to achieve something meaningful. It taught me strength and perseverance as well as humility.
The most apparently life-changing aspect of the Paideia program for me was studying abroad. I moved to London to attend Goldsmiths College without knowing a single person in the entire country. In fact, I had a single friend on the entire European continent. I adapted. I learned to let go of my own hang-ups and insecurities and to just live my life. I got to know new and interesting people and found that I could relate to virtually any human being on some level. I gained the best friends I’ve ever had even though on the surface they are all so entirely different from me. I also learned to appreciate life as it comes to you—that not everything (in fact, almost nothing) turns out as planned, and that that is so totally okay. It’s great, even. I had planned and wanted to study in France, but for whatever reason was convinced to go to London instead and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I realized that in life you only make one decision, no matter how many options you are given, whether it’s the right one or the wrong, and you adapt. You deal with it. And no matter what you will always be okay.
This year I struggled with pinpointing one specific thing to deem my “creative work.” I feel like just about everything I’ve done at Southwestern and in the Paideia program has been a creative work of sorts, so it was difficult to choose one thing to present at the Student Works Symposium. I ended up going with a paper called “Interracial Desire in The Confessions of Nat Turner and Dessa Rose,” which I also presented at The Associated Colleges of the South’s Women and Gender Studies conference in Richmond, Virginia. The paper made connections between racial relations in literature and in real life. I argued that Styron’s characters weren’t as “real” as Williams’ because they didn’t experience emotions as real people do. The paper was indicative of my experience at SU as an English major, but I felt also that it had a great deal to do with human behavior. Our cohort’s topic is Understanding Human Behavior, and my work certainly fit in nicely with that. Though our cohort’s focus is more psychological, I was able to put a distinctly English spin on it. Attending this conference was a great experience as well. For the first time I was able to really get my work out into the world and I felt very rewarded for that opportunity.
Each aspect of the program has provided me with new and interesting insight to the world around me as well as to myself as an individual. It was a growing experience and a learning one, and it was not easy. I didn’t realize how interested I actually was in understanding human behavior, but of course it is completely connected with the work I have done as well as how I have come to understand the experiences the program has afforded me. I hope that more students are able to get a similar experience from Paideia to mine. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

posted by Rachel @ 12:16 AM 0 Comments

Intercultural Experience Reflection

In all honesty, reflection on my time studying abroad in London has become more and more difficult the more time passes. Certainly not because I have trouble remembering it—I could chronicle every last detail of what happened to me for six entire months. Rather, I am so totally nostalgic for that period of time. As much of a study abroad cliché as it is, it was undeniably a life changing experience.
One of my main reasons for joining the Paideia program was so that I would be motivated (if not forced) to study abroad. I had always wanted to, but the process of making it happen was daunting. And for good reason. One of the most stressful semesters of my life was the fall before I went to London. The paperwork, the money, the preparation, the plans…it was all very overwhelming. It was, of course, nothing compared to the intense emotional rollercoaster. I am from Austin. It takes me 45 minutes to get to my parents’ house from Southwestern. I hadn’t ever really been alone. Although I made new friends at SU, I felt that I never fully experienced the “college lifestyle” because home and my old friends were always so close to me. This was my opportunity to change that. And I did. I was put completely out of my element without knowing a single human being for thousands of miles around. It was scary.
I have never considered myself a shy person, but others certainly might. I had difficulty speaking up in class, talking to strangers, meeting new people, and basically anything that was out of my comfort zone. However, being thrust into this new situation I had no choice but to just get over those problems and make a life for myself. That was one aspect that completely changed about me—I learned how to relax and to not be so self-conscious. This has been so unbelievably beneficial in every aspect of my life. In general, it has made me a more happy, confident and well-adjusted person.
Something else I had struggled with in the past was my own pretension. Part of the reason I never stepped out of my comfort zone was the fact that I was simply too stuck up to meet people unlike myself. I’ll be the first to admit that I was a total jerk. This completely changed. I was assigned to live in a student hall on the Goldsmiths campus called Loring along with seven other flatmates. I probably never would have talked to a single one of them under any other circumstances. These people, so entirely different than anyone I’d ever met, became my best friends in the entire world. They opened me up to different ideas I had never considered. They transformed me into a nice person. Now I don’t assume the worst in people and always give them a chance.
I could go on for pages and pages about this (you should see my journal) but I won’t. Studying abroad was the single most influential experience in my life not just because I got a taste of another culture or got to see a lot of sights, but because it gave me the opportunity to see the connection between all people. It changed my perception of myself as well as of others, and it made everything seem to fit into place. It’s difficult to describe, but I think it was exactly what the program had intended for students studying abroad. Paideia emphasizes making connections, and I think I was able to do that in every sense of the word.

posted by Rachel @ 12:15 AM 0 Comments